Super Chaos Saturday

Well certainly there is nothing like getting new carpet one day before a SuperBowl party, to test a New Sheriff's heart! --But you know what? Sheriff Hubby did good! He did real good. The guests behaved, the game was played, and the Sheriff enjoyed himself.

(I, on the other hand, did, --almost wet my pants when, while sneaking a bite of cupcake (yes, the 'none-diet' kind of cupcake) --over a dozen people screamed "No -- !!" ) (~~How relieved was I, right? --to see they were only barking at a Steeler, and not the poor-wretched-starving, hostess.)



Pre-Superbowl, on Saturday, --I came home from a lovely afternoon. I'd gone to a fantastic church meeting with the ladies, followed by dinner and lots of bonding. So inspiring!

The flip side of me being gone the entire Saturday afternoon, was that that put the men in charge of house organizing. (Remember now, we'd just gotten carpet, --so everything we owned had been pulled out of rooms, spaces, and closets.) (--And for future reference, --in such a case? --I would not recommend leaving the guys solely in charge of the pre-party housework.)

You see when men (well, at least my men) have mounds of stuff in front them, and are under directions to clean, some part of their brain has them extend their arms, and in wide swooshing movements, push and pile until there appears a space, and everything thing else has landed to one side or the other. The actual putting away of something -- doesn't seem to quite compute. This technique is what I like to call, -- The Perimeter Push.

Say you have a kitchen table full of things that belong somewhere else - like, a school book, bbgun, ketchup, welders mask, and flip-flops . . . What would you do? Would you ---

a) - For pete's sake, don't touch anything! (the 'put-it-away fairy' is sure to come soon . . and besides, you wouldn't want to unintentionally throw her off her game.)
b) - Work around it! --It ain't so bad. In fact, --it's rather handy should you find yourself in need of studying for a test, hunting, eatin'tots, welding, and ready'ing for the beach, --all at the same time.
c) - Pretend you don't see it. (This can get tricky for periods longer than two months, but the more you practice, the easier it will become.)
d) - In one fell swoop, push everything you see to the edge of the table. This way you have cleaned up and still kept everything handy.

If you guessed any of the above -- you have both failed miserably and ~~if you are a man~~ should feel ashamed of yourself for believing in fairies.




Well. You can imagine what the Perimeter Push done to our mess of a just carpeted house looked like. I gasped a little, coming through the front door. Yet Hubby was feeling so proud. Every speck of furniture in the living room--and more found throughout the house--had been plastered side by side against all the walls, in one large continuous square. In fact, to even get to a chair you would have to be hurled into the empty center, and then scramble to the perimeter seating. All seats faced a tightly wedged in mammoth television that had been hauled in from the garage. Otherwise, the room was barren. The space looked cold, heartless . . . the opposite of all my years of hard work toward a homey feeling, --a woman's touch.
It kind of looked like, well . . I couldn't really put my finger on it until Hubby told me. The living room had been decorated in "arena style," he happily explained.

Well of course! That was it! Apparently, I don't recognize a football or Twisted Sister venue, even when it's staring me in the face! I supposed if we wanted to, we could hold up lighters or cell phones in unison, and wave them back and forth during the game, --groupie'esc like.

As I continued through the house, it was easy to see very little had actually been put in it's proper place. Even on the back patio, --food storage, clothes, Christmas wrapping, shoe racks, toys, --had all been pushed up against one long wall. And oh how fooled I was! I could hardly spot it!

~~Well my goodness boys, if you hadn't shown me there was a 12 feet high precariously balanced tower of food storage potatoes, bedroom night stand, Sponge-Bob Christmas wrapping paper, Great Grandmother's china, Tiffany lamp, and three bags of Legos, I never would have noticed! Gee, how hard you have worked!~~

Certainly having nothing in it's place, didn't faze these guys a single bit. Me? A fantastic shrill was developing from deep within --


After passing the family room couches--still in the hall--with sons hanging from them seeing who could last the longest with blood racing to his face ---
I went upstairs to the second floor Perimeter Push. It was worse than the downstairs, --and since even a healthy pushing couldn't clear a path, it appeared they had given up altogether. (Maybe in hopes that the 'put-it-away fairy' would again materialize and save them the trouble?)

Well no fairies showed up, --but a Drill Sargent did (-- And they are much moodier than fairies. Plus they've been know to stare you down, blow whistles, and smack heads).


Listen -
I learned a great lesson Saturday, and for that I am grateful. --It is that there are no happy endings, --just because you get new carpet.
Life still throws you curve balls (--and then for no reason, leaves them in a pile on your bedroom floor . . . next to a spaghetti pot and bicycle shorts.)

Check.
Lesson Learned.