There's a New Sheriff in Town

. . And, --We're gettin' New Carpet!

How do these two sentences relate? Well, just wait a minute, and I'll tell you.

First of all --
Can we afford it, you ask?
Define afford.

Listen -- everybody else in America has spent money they don't have! --- Why can't we be American too?!

And besides - we didn't actually have to pay for the carpet, ---we charged it.

One thing that did help in the money department was our smart pursuit of a little store credit. We just went back to Lowes though because they have an installation price going on that is $60 less than what we recently paid. When Hubby and I asked the clerk to credit the difference -- TeenClerk said to Hubby, 'Are you sure you want me to write up the whole order again, just for sixty bucks?' (Ahhh! Run little boy, run!!) I was afraid Hubby would grab those below the buttcrack hip-hop jeans and pull them straight over TeenClerk's head until SWAT arrived! --Instead (and I was so proud of Hubby!) --all he said was, 'Yes, --I'm sure.' (Though he did sound a bit like The Terminator.)

Of course you know the real question isn't can we 'afford' new carpet - but rather, ---can we afford not to get new carpet.
The stuff we have now is so worn out I prefer to call it carpet powder. If we had differently colored carpet throughout the house, I could sweep-up and make some of those pretty sand art bottles as mementos. As it is the powder just gets in our lungs, cereal, and underpants. It's kind of like a day at the beach, except there is no fun or sun involved.
The getting of new carpet of course meant, we needed to have 'the talk' with the children. You know, --the one that suggests the civilized new lifestyle we would be embarking on . . . now that we were going to have real carpet, --like what real people have. Or to put it in words they could understand, 'like what you see on MTV cribs.'
I cannot tell you how big of a surprise this new lifestyle talk was to the boys! I guess it's because they've been living in a bubble I like to call 'Our-Home-Is-Our-Castle-and-We-Can-Eat-Burp-Fart-Spill-and-Bleed' wherever we want.
And interestingly, that's been Hubby's philosophy up to now, as well.
Two weeks ago he'd a'just assumed drag a bobcat carcass across the living room floor, and tell me it was fine because he'd 'drained it outside first.' 
Last Friday he crawled out of some sewer or grease tank repair job somewhere, took the jeans he'd had on outside to the hose, and then laid them carefully across our family room floor to dry.
(Right? I mean where else would you put soiled-wet jeans to dry?)
One year for my birthday everyone got to eat banana splits, chocolate cake, and root beer floats cuddled on the floor in the TV room. I wasn't home or anything, --but still it was a birthday to remember.

Now back to that 'There's A New Sheriff In Town' business. --Well, that new Sheriff is going to be Hubby!
Sooo many days, so many hours, so many sleepless nights, --have I worried and talked and pleaded about not eating upstairs, not bringing muddy shoes into the house, or not playing with the Slip'n'Slide in the living room. And now, finally, finally, my dreams are all going to come true! And I will never have to utter another word!
~'Cause when Hubby coughs up something as big as new carpet money, nobody, and I mean NOBODY dares to spill again~
In fact I guarantee a new era has begun. I dare the kids, --or anyone, --to lay their baseball bat down, shake out their shoes, or carry markers around our house now.
When I was in charge of scrubbing spots or directing soda traffic, did anybody care? No. No one heard a word I said.
But now with Hubby in charge of his 'precious?' --Well, let's just say they're going to miss me.

And so it is with pearly smile and happy giggles that I pass the baton. It was a long haul - but somebody had to do it. Now that my services will not be needed anymore, what will I do with the spare time? Oh, let's just say I'll think of something, somehow.
And when I think of it? I promise not to make a mess while I do it.

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