I ran to Costco (where I rarely go) to use up a gift card (I have had for far too long) on milk and such (massage tables, plasma tv, Jack LaLanne juicer . . .). Come to find out I did not have the card with me as I had supposed, and could not bring myself to shop without it. By the time I had turned around, grabbed coupons at home, and headed over to Vons - the clock was seriously ticking. There is nothing like picking up deliciously unspoiled (yeah, right) teenagers fifteen minutes later than when they wanted to be picked up. (Sometimes I truly cannot remember who has who jumping through hoops.)
Occasionally I like to leave my purse in the car when I go grocery shopping, stick my debit card in my jeans, and just hold my coupons. I did that this time.
Now I should have you know here, the Coupon Ladies of yesteryear have evolved. We are not nearly as insane and homeless looking as we used to be. (For example, now I methodically run a comb through my hair and chew mint gum, every time I'm about to go in a grocery store.) And because the stores have taken all the fun out of coupon shopping (i.e., limiting use, not taking other store's coupons, etc.), we hardly even argue anymore with the cashiers.
Today I had a long line of rained on soaking wet carts to choose from, --and I hate that. (Yes, that's right. I would not have made a good pioneer.) I pick one only to see it doesn't have the undercarriage part - which I way use - so I try another, and it will hardly budge. My third choice is so wet it has puddles in it. (By now there is a small crew of shopping peers stranded between my cart carnage and the other grocery carts.) I pick again, and this cart is absolutely repulsive! 'There should be a law against doing what I believe somebody did in here,' I think to myself (-or did I say it out loud?). Finally I find one I can stand (I believe I heard applause), and mosey on inside.
My OCD doesn't stop at the carts alone. How I wish I could just give up on coupons! Their very nature breeds OCD. But in my head every 50 cents I save -is another 50 cents toward something special like Easter bonnets, or sculptures. I keep my grocery list in one pocket, coupons I won't be using this time (I only coupon if the product is on sale) in another pocket, coupons I decide to save for Target in a third, and the coupons I will be using this trip in any remaining available orifice. (And see? Why burden myself with a purse?)
I worked at a grocery store a hundred years ago (that's right, --one hundred years ago. And we didn't call them grocery stores then either, --we called them village vendors) --and I was taught by my superiors to never take the first thing on the shelf. Always go back several items and you will find the fresher dated milks, breads, whatever. That was fine then, but now I am a freakish circus act as I stretch, dig, and mutilate to get to the furthest-away product. The little ones enjoy watching me - but the adults mostly look away in disgust.
Lastly, the guy who checked me out (kinda like the sound of that--), kept asking questions but couldn't seem to look me in the eyes. Therefore, Did you find everything you need? sounded like Coffee, tea, or me? and Would you like help out? sounded like Do you really need to pout? --Both of which made just as much sense to me as what he was really trying to saying. I stopped short (thankfully) of answering 'Sorry pal, I'm married . . . plus what can I say? -I'm a pouter.'
(It's done. There is a long line of nutty bars - and I'm right in the middle with the best of them.)
Physician heal thyself, comes to mind.
2 comments:
Now, I don't know if this is true but . . . I really feel as if I can trust my newest shopping buddy, even if we never exchanged names. . .
Okay, I splurge on See's candy for my kids for valentines day once a year but I can't do the full splurge because I have to go to costco first to buy the gift certificates. Anyway, las week after my quick trip to costco (it would have been longer, but I realized I left my coupons at home) I went to See's to pick up candy before Jenna needed to be picked up. Because I know that you pay extra for those fancy heart shaped boxes, I was waiting in line for hand-packed. The lady behind me in line became an instant friend when she flashed her gift certificates at me and asked, "Did you go to costco first?" I opened my purse, flashed my certificates and said, "just came from there." Our wait didn't seem so long as we swapped shopping strategies.
. . . Anyway, to get to the point (which takes me a long time to do), she told me that Costco has now set up their registers to automatically deduct all the coupons in the book that apply to your purchase if you just give them one of the said coupons. How much sense does that make? I can't tell you how frustrating it is to be flipping through my booklet at checkout muttering, "Now where was that plastic wrap. . ." or checking my "to save for the next trip" pocket because I can't find the needed coupon in the "to be used today" pocket. I am going to see if my friend is in the know on my next trip to Costco. I'll keep you posted.
oops. . . that was really me.
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