Hot Off The Press

Alright. I haven't got a lot of time, --so I'm going to have to make this fast . . . But, I read a headline today that made me crazy! Why crazy? Well, --first, --the headline . . and see for yourself.

'Women step up their walking when it's warm outside' ~~Oops, wait. That's not quite right . . . it's~~

'Study-Women step up their walking when it's warm outside'


Oh my gosh. Study? ~~What is going on America?? I mean if the newsworld is so dang interested in the mysteries that make us (women, in this case) tick - here's some more for ya ~~ 'Studies' show most women get haircuts several times a year, enjoy breakfast in bed, and have been known to make phone calls.

I mean, that is literally how lame this sounds to me.
The only thing worse than reading a news quote that lame, --is knowing that someone was using time to sit around and think about something that lame before they wrote it. Let alone 'Headline' it!

And I'll go one further (or two or three--) ~ Since this was a 'study,' someone else, or ones'else, had to have drafted the study and then used money on it! Huh?!

Marbles are literally falling out of peoples heads.

Oh man oh man, if only I were in charge.

Listen, I could save these groups, or research teams, a ton of money, if they'd just come to me, ~and ask! I could tell them anything they wanted to know . . . and in fact, I want to tell somebody everything they need to know!
And heck, I took statistics. When it's all said and done, anything I say has got at least a 50% chance of being accurate. And they can do better? I doubt it.
Believe me, if this is the kind of stuff The Man is wondering about? --I could be of some definite help. ---And I take grants, checks, gift cards, nickles, and stamps.
How much easier could it be??


Okay. So I did go a little nuts over this.
And maybe what they really were researching was a cure for cancer - and they just stumbled across this 'walking outside is nicer when the weather isn't 10 below,' break-through stuff.

~~~

Scientist: "Hey Betty - It's not as cold outside as it was yesterday. You wanna walk over to Subway for lunch?"

Betty: "Um . . . I don't know . . . Do you think I'll need a sweater?"

(Scientist busily scribbles away insights into his notebook . . .)

~~~

Well I jest. But do we need a news headline to speak to us like we're bored dimwits? I for one say, no!
It's like the news plug that comes on during a sitcom . . . the one they save for those emergency days where there really isn't anything else news worthy to drum up ---
'Obama - Boxers or Briefs? News at Eleven'



I gotta run . . . or I'd rant some more.
Sorry!

But - I will part with this final brainchild, --that was at the end of the article (And yes, yes. I did go ahead and read the whole article. But I only did it for you! My audience of seven!)


'In his research, Church has found that men are also more active in the summer than winter.'


Oh thank goodness. Research complete. Need I say more?