Compared to my husband I feel like a potty'ing machine. I'm always goin' - and he's
always waitin'.
Last weekend during date night at the movies, I learned a new word. While using the potty at the theater, a gaggle of girls came in. One went into a stall and I heard her shout to her friend, "Don't you want to go pepe' too? Before the movie starts?"
Well, imagine my delight, first, -at hearing a word come out of a random teen's mouth that I didn't have to cover my ears for, and second, that was spoken instead of text'ed, and third, that was as fantastic a word as pepe' is!
How cute is pepe' ?
Say it after me, "pep-e' " ~ Rhymes with kep - a ~~
I raced back to share with Hubby the happy news -- my New Word. (Granted while it might not have been as exciting to him as me - I still felt sure pepe' was going to make me sound way darlin'er and less bladder-worn than the usual I have to go to the bathroom again, wait here.)
"Guess what word I just learned?" She asks.
"What?" He answers.
"Pepe'." She says-
"Pepe'?" He asks -
"Yup. In the bathroom, a bunch of girls came in, and
they used the word pepe' for going potty." She answers.
"Umm," He grunts.
"What was the name of that french-lover-skunk guy in the old cartoons? --The one that was always trying to get the girl cat to love him?" She asks.
"Pepe' Le Pew," He answers.
"Yes, that's it!" She exclaims.
"Oh yeah," He -
"Pepe' is my new word," She -
"Okay," He -
How does one partake in a conversation about "pepe' " - and not hear it?
I would so remember a conversation with someone that included the word pepe' in the place of going to the bathroom.
I would so remember a conversation with someone about the word pepe'.
I would so remember a conversation with someone.
I would so remember conversation.
I would so.
I would.
I.Pepe'.
After the movie I see the group of girls, my new compatres, leaving the theater.
"There they go," she says.
"Who?" he asks.
"That group of kids from the bathroom," she answers.
"What group of kids?" he asks.
"The ones we talked about," She -
"Who?" He -
"The 'Pep-A' girls," She -
"What??" He -
I don't want you to think I'm a total potty mouth, so here's another example:
"I have got some mammoth splinters in my hand from that plywood!" He -
"Geez, wow . . yeah," She -
"There's no way around it, --I'm going to have to dig them out," He -
"Ouch. Okay. Say, - we have a billion tweezers around here . . . there's one in the kitchen, boy's bath, and our drawer. Just don't use the metal ones in the medicine cabinet, k?" She -
"Mm." He -
(The medicine cabinet ones being the 'special' ones she uses to pull and pluck things from her body. And by 'special' - she means expensive. And by 'things from her body,' she means tiny unladylike hairy grotesque imperfections.)
One hour later she stumbles upon the surgery counter - and the 'special' metal tweezers with zero fine tip left. He must have scraped roof tar with them after splinter-to-the-bone digging.
She - "Hey - remember when I said any tweezers but these?" (Holding up the 'these.')
He - "No?"
~~~~
One time out of the clear blue we got a coupon-flier in the mail, good for One Free Hearing Test.
("Hot dog!" She says. "Whatever," He says.)
She makes him go.
He would fake offense, --except that it was free.
He'd go to a leg-breaking, if it was free.
True Story:"Hello sir," woman at hearing test office says.
"I'm here for my free hearing test," He informs.
"Have you been having problems?"
"No."
"Did your doctor send you?"
"No."
"Why are you here?"
" --My wife made me come."
bored pause - "We get that a lot. --line forms to the left."
and his test results? ~~ " . . . with flying colors!"
I've decided free hearing tests are bogus.
Like swampland in Arizona.
And that there is a conspiracy I will never get to the bottom of.
And even if I did get to the bottom of it, --only girls would listen to me.
So okay fellas, here it is,
--I give up.
(Ah, and if only you had heard me . . .victory would have been sweet . . . )
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